Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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