If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
