Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
