You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize