Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
