I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
