i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
