just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
