you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
