Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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