he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
