my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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