Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's official drugs can't kill me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
