apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
