I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize