I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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