I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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