My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
