He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
