I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
