You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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