you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize