Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
