You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
