Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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