Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
