There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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