when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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