We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
