But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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