btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
