Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
