One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
