happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
