i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
