we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
