i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
