Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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