apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
NoShamevember. You game?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
