Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
