dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
