mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
