She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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