I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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