Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is Oprah even human
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize