is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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