I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
