I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
