Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
