does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
