she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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