Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
