he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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