i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
