Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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