awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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