OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
