he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
