Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
