i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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