we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
