What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
