just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
