Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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