Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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