If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
